“Don’t laugh at a teen for his affectations- he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his own”
A beautiful gift in my life right now is the presence of many teenagers. Crazy you say…. Not so to me. Always worried by the reality of having one or more of these strange creatures bounding about our home out of control, I have found a very pleasant blessing in the three that now reside within our family abode. As our children were born and entered the different stages of their lives from infant, toddler, adolescents, and beyond I had always had a quiet dread for what might lie ahead in this rapidly approaching era. As it became closer and closer and each one went from being 12 to 13 I held my breath. I may be eating my words but the seven years of parenting these teens has been a fabulous, out of control, heart wrenching, God praising time.
Not only have we been blessed by our own children, but we have also been blessed by an abundance of teens that were not ours. Through church groups, outreach activities, and school, the blessing of these individuals continue. Not one, while very diverse and sometimes quite raw, has ever been unreachable or intentional in character.
The one thing that we have come to realize is that no matter what walk of life they come from a teenager wants three things- for you to give them hope and respect, provide some structure, and to meet them where they are and not where you think they should be.
A young man of 13, Bobby, was the oldest of several children and a child of a single mother. His dad had been abusive to mom and the children, so he was not able to trust anyone. Put in the responsibility of being his mentors, we would go to pick him up for a day and he would hide in a closet until we could coax him out with promises of ice cream or that he could ride our horses. The day was usually spent with us trying to communicate with him and him avoiding most of our questions. Bobby was best dealt with by meeting the person that he was, where he was and not expecting anything else.
When it comes to Faith in God, teens have much insight. The Bible talks about the Faith of a Little Child… how about the faith of these pre adults. I think of a beautiful group of young ladies that spent substantial time in our home over the teenage years. They dealt with the issues that ensue such as boys, friends, parents, and of course what or who was God! Not once did they question if there was a God or that He was their friend. They would pray in groups for hours and sing songs that had to set the angels in Heaven on their seats.
Many times we hear that teens are disrespectful! While this can be true… more than not, it is not… especially if you get to the heart. A group of teenage juvenile boys have visited us on our farm for the last two summers. They are from the Bronx in New York City…but their backgrounds are all different. Their language is a combination of Spanish and street slang. They deal with situations and family issues that are much more serious than the average teen… drug dealers who are family members, drive by shootings on a daily basis, and sexual situations that are out of their control. There language can be severe and they certainly look the part of the street kid…. but the respect that they have for their elders and for each other is amazing. Lots of Thanks yous and pleases” and if ask to do something they are quite willing to assist each other. They have a certain tenderness with the horses, dogs, and other animals that they interact with while they are here which gives a glimpse of their human soul. Its seems that God's creatures have been given the gift of bringing out the gentle spirit of the hardest of individuals.
Most recently we have had the opportunity to travel to Haiti and meet a young woman who has lost everything in her life… her parents, her home, her school…. She has been exposed to the dark side of life where evil lurks and lives. A new convert to the Christian faith, she desires to please her Jesus, but still has the darkness pressing in around her. What she needs and desires is hope… hope that there is a tomorrow that will be better, hope that someone will love her and protect her.
In America the youth desire no less than this… they just, so many times, have no one to give them this hope. Two girls have blessed us with their smiles as of late and we find in them a desire for structure or normality. One has a mentally ill mother who abuses her and humiliates her in ways that are unacceptable. The other has an alcoholic father and a mother that is not present in her life. These youth want foundation… parents that hug each other… a family that eats together…someone who is interested in them! Once more the beauty of these creatures wants to be released and shaped into what they have the potential of becoming. Yes, they have a very raw personality…some times more than is appropriate. In word they speak things that are not acceptable….they have actions that must be changed before they can lead a life that is morally complete. But they do desire to have guidance.
So this brings us once more to teens in general…yes, there is emotions, lots and lots! They tend to react to things differently at different times and one can never be sure of where they will stand on something. Certain independence becomes very apparent during these years and they can tend to hurt others, especially their parents and friends. They can be loud, rude, and uncaring. But on the inside there are a lot of insecurities, questions, dreams, and worries, and very, very, beautiful spirits trying to unfold into the adults that they will become. Those of us privileged to know them and be a part of their lives have choices to make. We can condemn, ignore, or humor them, or we can join in with them in reaching their hearts and talking to them about the feelings that they have. No, we do not need to agree with how they are, but we certainly can meet them in the moment and then nurture and guide them as they continue on their way with a spirit of hope.
Besides, if it were not for the teens in our life how would we ever get to enjoy all the funky ring tones on our phones and to learn to text eloquently if we want to communicate with them. Don’t forget the fact that thru them we learn all about fashion and style…. Before that we were clueless! I praise God for teenagers and I guess it is good to feel this way as my youngest, she is nine, just came into the kitchen and stated quite loudly that “I was ruining her life”. Not sure how… but it looks like the fun is only beginning!
Next time you want to holler, just hug Next time you want to condemn, just love
Next time you want to walk down a different aisle in the store, choose theirs and smile and say Hi! Only God knows what might result!
Written for the teenagers in my life: Abagail (for two weeks anyway), Alexander, Cassandra, Rebecca, Francesca, Sydney and last but certainly not least Fausto...each one of you are continually opening our eyes more and more! Thank you!
